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At The End Of The Summer, We'll All Need Eye Surgery


If only the Amish had the internet . One trip to imdb.com and I know where I'm taking the girlfriend for almost every weekend this summer: the movies.

If I were to take a guess about how things are gonna to be during the dry season, I'd say buh-leek. I say this because there's so much entertainment coming that God must have planned for us to be looking the other way when he rains fire and brimstone down on our entertained little heads. Seriously, how many sequels can we look forward to at once? Okay, Spiderman 3 is already out that only leaves us with what, like 10 other sequels ranging from Jackie Chan fights while Chris Tucker talks to holy-crap-in-my-pants Bruce Willis can still make everything around him explode even though Justin Long's here too.

So any who, here's a list of sequels I think you should check out. And don't think I won't shun the non-believers.

The Good:

28 Weeks Later - The original was well accepted as being thrilling and scary on a modest budget. From the looks of it, comparing the first film to this one is like comparing Danny Devito to Arnold Swarchenegger. Bigger and the buffer... and governor.

Shrek the Third - Despite starring Justin Timberlake for what's sure to be some really high-pitched voice acting, this movie looks like it'll deliver for the kiddies... and the grownups. Mike Myers may not be as active as he once was, but he can still drive a character. When you add the rest of the A-list supporters, the voices are bound to be solid and the animation just gets more complex and realistic. What more do you want?

Pirates 3 - Swords, action, monsters, antique pirates with crusties all over them. The studio smells a winner. Lets just see if Will Turner finally gets to swash and buckle Miss Swan.

Ocean's 13 - Ocean's 11 made the really simple complicated and audiences loved every minutes of it. Ocean's 12 made us wade through a load of crap even though everything was fine from the beginning. This installment brings us back to the land of chips and dice with Al Pacino playing what he was always meant to play: The Bad Guy. I had high hopes for 12, so I'm gonna roll those over for this one. Danny don't fail me.

Live Free or Die Hard - John McClane is the quintessential bad good guy. Despite the plot diving into techno-terror, Bruce Willis can hold it together. Besides, if cyber-space got in his way, McClane would probably torch that too. Now I know I made it sound like Justin Long didn't belong, and maybe he doesn't. But he's never ruined a movie before...

The Bourne Ultimatum - I still watch Team America sometimes and chuckle when Damon repeats his name like a retard, but Matt Damon has become... ahh, I don't wanna say it! A good actor. Previous Bourne flicks show he can muscle his way through trouble better than bond ever could and Paul Greengrass knows how to stage a fight. This is as real as it gets on screen... you know, except for documentaries.

The Iffy:

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - I don't know how it got it's appeal going in the first place, but if I had a magic wand I'd use it to make sure this director puts more action into it than his predecessors did. But it might be cool.

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer - How long can a title be? The trailer for it looks sweet, but the same was true of the first movie. I guess it won't matter if Jessica Alba gets more screen time.

Evan Almighty - Steve Carell may be the funniest man on the planet. And the money being put into this movie might just make it enjoyable. I know money can't fix everything, but I can dream. Were gonna make it through this one together buddy.

Day Watch - This is on the iffy list not because I don't think it can deliver. I just don't know if American audiences can handle it. With a well-built mythology surrounding it from the novels, Night Watch blew away audiences in Russia and the rest of the world. Day Watch looks to show off mind bending action sequences and another reality that would take the matrix's lunch money and give it a four-story atomic wedgie.

Non-Sequels That Probably Have What It Takes:

The Ex -
Oh Mr. Braff, what to say about you? Zach Braff has been loyal to the TV show that gave him his big chance... and now he just can't suppress his talent any longer. This looks like a heart-felt comedy that any scrubs fan could enjoy. Amanda Peet and Jason Bateman both know how to deliver, and the Braff is somewhat of a golden boy in the industry. I'd bet on touching moments and uncomfortable moments to drive this one.

Knocked Up -
I'm wandering into chick-flick land a little with this movie, but hear me out. Seth Rogan seems genuinely hilarious in his own goofy way. Katherine Heigl has the looks and (however dramatic) the acting chops that she's proven week after week on Grey's Anatomy. What better comedy than a movie based on awkward situations (Meet the Parents, anyone).

Transformers - This obviously has more than it takes, but I'm not going to invent any new categories. Michael Bay is synonymous with action and Shia LaBeouf is probably the fastest rising star out there today. Enormous robots don't hurt either. Hype Hype Hype.

The Simpsons Movie - The trailer is hilarious. It seems like Groening and his gang are pulling out all the stops on this one. It's going to be good plain and simple. And even if it was the worst thing since Pokemon, the fan base the show has created will undoubtedly make it a huge success. I better go wait in line!

There's no final thought here. If you disagree, tell me about it.

And as always, thanks for reading.

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